I like stories. So let me tell you a story that begins with some thoughts:
Why didn’t I think to buy bug spray!! Clearly, I am not good enough for this trip. This is going to go badly.
These thoughts about bug spray are just the beginning of a thought-tornado wrecking havoc in my brain. Friday morning, I say good bye to my family and flew from DFW airport to Atlanta, Georgia. There, I am meeting the team of 12 girls with whom I am travel to Medellìn, Colombia, to serve in a rehabilitation ministry for one month. And I forgot bug spray!
Over the next three days, I would spend time getting to know my teammates, becoming really comfortable with porta potty stenches, and growing closer to Jesus through powerful training sessions, prayer times, and worship sessions. Additionally, I would spend a lot of time thinking about my forgotten bug spray.
Because I like stories so much, I like to compare myself to my favorite heroes like Bilbo from Lord of the Rings, Katniss from Hunger Games, or Mia from Princess Diaries. Similar to these characters, I am leaving for my adventure feeling ill-equipped, hopeless, and unsatisfied. Though I am confident this trip has potential to bring the purpose and fulfillment I am looking for, I am pessimistic about my ability to experience this. I mean, who forgets bug spray for a trip to Colombia!
However, as I hear the incredible stories and testimonies about what the Lord has done on the mission field and in the lives of my teammates, I start to feel my fear, doubt, and dissatisfaction dissolve. The bug spray-thought-tornado begins to shrink.
I slowly learn that I am not the main character in the God’s story. As much as I try and imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, Jon Snow, or Johnny Test, the story I am about to experience in Medellìn is not my own; I am not the focal point. Jesus is. And I can choose to surrender my future, plans, and relationships fully to Him.
I realize that I had stopped reminding myself of all the times God had been so faithful in my life, and, as a result, I automatically began believing the narrative that I was responsible for all of the blessings in my life. I had started living like I was the heroine of my own story. This pride conflicted with my faith, my self-confidence, and my ability to trust God causing perfect conditions for events like my bug spray-thought-tornado.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not just a nameless extra to His kingdom. The Holy Spirit is in me. I am an expression of God like no one else. My experiences make me a distinct character. Just not the main character.
When I’m left to trust my prideful self, chapters of my story where I make mistakes (like forgetting bug spray) end in shame, fear, and condemnation. Thankfully, His story is so much grander than just me that even when I’m not perfect (and forget bug spray), I am (and will always be) shown grace, hope, and conviction.
“For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can’t you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! All who walk by this standard are the true Israel of God—his chosen people. Peace and mercy on them!”
Galatians 6:14-16 MSG
So as I write this post in the Atlanta airport waiting with my team for the flight that will take us to South America, my distant thoughts of bug spray serve as a reminder to ask myself: Who’s story am I choosing to be apart of?
